What a useless pathetic mule

"MsPayne,

i'm not worthy of the time for YOU to read this.  i have been so bad.  if TIY never trusted my words again, who could blame YOU?  i should have told YOU i was running low on money, scared about it.  it all is YOURs anyhow, but i was selfish and wanted to stretch it out and call YOU voer time... but cannot that much without being kicked into the streets and then how would i worship YOU?  i was damned if i di dor didn't -- right from the start. 

i didn't tell you how sick i was. but i would love for you to tell me what to eat.  i just could not get out to find Top Ramen and was sad.  YOU humiliated me in a way that no other GODDESS on NF ever has before... and i just think it is the way YOU are in combo with the way i am. 

i feel so pathetic even mentioning these trivial things; but i don't worry about it, b/c i know that i am 100 times more pathetic when seen TRULY through your eyes

now that i found you and was so disobedient, the only hope i have left is the thought my eagerness was an over-excitement had a GODDESS who really knows the true me... and that my first conversation with you was only a picture of the HEAVEN to come if i ever were fortunate enough for a woman like you to make my life a HELL. 

It was a picture of perfection... of which i am incapable of.  And now that the introductions are done, you could learn me as i am and distmantle my psychie piece by piece, over time.  i would love for you to have my money, and yet i cling to it, because i want constant contact... but i'm sure you could humialite me endlessly about that and teach lessons i would remember -- permanently.

is there a way i can atone for my sins and lay myself open to your constan destruction of everything that is me.... only the seed of "me" will exist, b/c you like know that the "me" sees YOU destroying me and taking away EVERTYTHING... and then rebuidling me in what eve3r you please.

it was because you were so right and perfect that i fled... not because i menat disrespect.   hearing you mock me and laugh at me is so intoxicating, it is overwhelmeing.....  but i know that YOU know us stupid dumbass men are not capable of what you can dish out..... we think you are taking your time... but  YOU toy with us be/c if YOU revealed your full glory as GODDESS we disintiegrate.

please forgive me.  systematically destroy me, preserve a piece of that wants a different life.... and laugh at that remaingin piece as you tell me to "fuck off" and that you will make me howeverYOU Want!

may YOUR WILL be done!

- fd"

It just makes me wet with excitement thinking about all the tortures that I'm going to put this mule thru :)